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natemccloud

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Almost a full year ago, a dear friend of mine, who I'd known upwards of 11 years, up and left the chatroom we met in, with no explanation. I finally found out why he left about a month ago, and tried contacting him on his DA account a couple of times. Neither attempt was met with a reply, but both messages had been marked read...I can only guess (not assume--it always irritated him when I made assumptions) he deleted them without ever reading them. Then again, he didn't hide the comment I left on his page, or block me, so I don't know.

He was a wonderful friend to me. Even through his own battle with depression, he offered me comfort when I was depressed, did not judge me when I told him stuff I was too embarrassed to tell many other people, helped me so much with my web design and programming skills, did not stop being my friend despite all the passive-aggressiveness that I wish I had never thrown at him...

Over the last year, he has been haunting so many of my dreams...I keep dreaming that he finally comes back, and everything goes back to the way it was...better, even. And then I wake to find I was asleep, and that he had still cut himself off from us (that is, everyone in the chatroom we were in). It hurts a great deal, and as time passes, I begin to lose hope that he will ever speak to any of us again.

I'm tired of dreaming about him. I'm tired of having to wipe tears out of my eyes when I wake up after dreaming about him. If he doesn't come back, it's just going to continue...I really don't want to do it, but is it time to finally cut ties and say good-bye for good?
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Time to say good-bye by natemccloud, journal